Dating is hard for everyone let’s face it –we are confronted with our greatest fears of abandonment, rejection and intimacy with another person. If, like many single parents you are already dragging around a load of baggage about your last relationship and are suffering from exhaustion and overwhelm then dating can seem just way too much to manage on top of all the other stuff that you have to do in a day!
The tragic thing is that what you probably need most is a handsome, fun and loving man who wants to sweep you off your feet and give you a bit of a helping hand in equal measures and yet your ability to see this has been severely blinded!
What to do?
The solution is really the same as that provided by any kind of coaching process –breaking it down into manageable and bite-sized chunks and getting as much help as possible.
You need to get help in all areas of your life and you need to follow a simple and well structured process that will guarantee to get you from where you are right now into the relationship of your dreams.
Here are my five top tips that will give you a place to start…
One –Stop DOING everything
Doing and being active all of the time means that you are in masculine energy and so the very first step in this process is learning to stop, let go and just BE still for a moment. I was a single mum for over 10 years and I know how hard it can be to let things go and to admit that you are not perfect. BUT! It is precisely those imperfections that make you vulnerable and human. This is what men find most attractive in a woman because it is how they get to feel like men. Stop doing, prioritise your own needs over everything else. The washing up can wait. If you can learn to let things get a little bit messy you are doing really well.
Two –Ask for help
This is the logical next step. Asking for help can be scary and humiliating. But, as I said earlier, being vulnerable is how we connect to others and asking for help from your family, local community and friends is absolutely crucial if you want this to work. Think about it like this –things need to get a little bit worse so that they can get amazingly better, so that you can RECEIVE the help when it arrives. If your knight in shining amour turns up and you are busy running around meeting everyone else’s needs then he’s going to ride right on by.
Three –Learn how to Share Again
Being a single parent is one of the loneliest and most isolating ways to live imaginable. I found that I was often ignored by other parents at school because I didn’t fit neatly into their couple dinners and events. My single friends were busy going out and having busy social lives. I didn’t fit anywhere. My solution was in the end pretty drastic and it terrified me but it was to move in with another single mum where we babysat for each other, supported each other and shared the chores. It was a huge shift but it prepared me for sharing my life again. I had become very shut down. Within 7 months I met my current partner and we are now living together. It works ladies, trust me.
Four –Have Some Fun
With the added pressure of children in the mix, a budding relationship can often get knocked sideways because when a single mum meets a guy she likes, all of those years of being alone, all the dashed hopes and disappointment can become a big weight that the guy you are dating will feel under. Take things slowly, date a few guys at once and don’t get too attached before you really know him well and know that he is clear what he is taking on. Have some fun! Let off steam and don’t put the pressure on either of you, let the man lead.
Five –Always Tell The Truth
Lots of single mum’s that I’ve coached tell me that they don’t put that they have a child on their online profiles. This is crazy and it’s a lie! This sets up a feeling that your child is something to be ashamed of and is not a wonderful gift that a man should be honored to take on. This also sets you up for a world of pain if you get attached to a guy and then he says he doesn’t want to sate a women with a kid. What’s the point? It’s like men who lie about their height or age –you will get found out and soon and then it will end badly! Make sure you are upfront and you will weed out the good guys and make sure that Mr Right will love you for all the right reasons.
So ladies…Aim high! Be yourself and be vulnerable…Open your heart, share and be happy in your self…
Have a clear vision of your perfect man, get some help to coach you through the process of how and where to find and keep him and he will manifest in your world.