Never is a person more vulnerable than when they are butt ass naked with another human being, all up close and personal. It’s almost amazing that humans can get over the awkwardness of the whole nudity situation at all in order to even be able to have sex. Almost. Obviously sex is pretty amazing, so we force ourselves to overcome certain fears and insecurities in order to partake in such a gratifying (hopefully) experience. But once you’ve been in the game for long enough, you begin to think that you’ve got this whole sex thing pretty much down pat. Well I’m here to tell you that you don’t. Sure you may have some great signature moves and you may have your sexy come-hither eyes on lock, however there is always room for improvement. Sex is definitely not the arena in which you should ever become complacent. I’ve consulted an expert (ok, he’s my best friend but he gets laid, like a lot!!) to find out what men think are some of the major turn-ons that don’t happen in the bedroom often enough. Here are the 5 things that you’re probably not doing in the bedroom that you should be.
Make foreplay the main course
Yes, by definition foreplay technically means “playing” before sex, or intercourse. By why must we be such rule followers? Why not make foreplay the actual end game once in a while? Too many times we race through foreplay in order to jump right in to penetration. This can be a missed opportunity on both ends. According to my expert, men love receiving oral sex to completion and it doesn’t happen as often as they would like. So the next time you’re ready to get it on, don’t be in such a rush. Make your sweet love-making an all-night session by getting each other off orally and / or manually first, taking a breather, and then moving on to round two when you can finally get it in. Getting off twice sounds pretty great to me…besides, I hear that 69 is making a comeback.
Always be willing to step up your game and step out of your comfort zone
I don’t mean that you need to engage in particularly dangerous behavior, unless of course that’s what you’re into and you’re both consenting adults, but I mean you need to be willing to ignore the constraints of your comfort zone once in a while. Nobody likes a lazy lay, so it’s your responsibility to bring something to the table. If you’re normally not very verbal, attempt to give a little bit more in the vocal department. No need to get raunchy, but some moans, “ooh that feels good,” yesses, and “right there’s” are easy and less embarrassing ones to throw in there. If you usually let the guy take the lead, muster up the courage to initiate once in a while. Men find that extremely hot, especially if they don’t expect it from you. And obviously spicing things up in the bedroom is always a turn on- whether it’s by incorporating toys, trying new positions, or even role playing – anything you can do to prevent your sex life from becoming stale is worth the momentary feeling of awkwardness.
Be a boss and give directions
Most men think they are amazing in bed, and many women don’t regularly have orgasms – so you do the math. As women, our shit is so complicated down there, and we are all into different things, that you cannot possibly expect a guy to know what you like. You must not be afraid to ask for what you want, and there are many ways in which you can do this without actually saying the words. Making a more intense moan when your man touches you in the right way can be signal enough. But if slight fluctuations in your usual noises or verbal cues don’t work, don’t be afraid to take his hands and put them where you want them, and to guide him until he gets it, no words necessary. If all else fails, move yourself into the position that you want to be in. Do it once and you’ll never have to show him again. Plus guys find that super-hot and believe it or not, they don’t get this type of direction all that often, so it will be a refreshing change for them.
Act like you’re really into it – even if you’re not
This doesn’t mean that you need to put on an over-the-top, Oscar worthy, fake, screaming-orgasm performance (which by the way, fools no one. If you’re going to fake it, the more subtle, the better), but it does mean that if you’re willing to do something sexually that your partner loves, unless it’s particularly painful or starts to make you feel uncomfortable, you need to commit to it 100% and act like you love it. This one primarily has to do with oral sex. My expert advisor made it very clear to me that the difference between a good and a bad blow job (aside from teeth (ouch) and a flimsy grip) is the woman’s enthusiasm. A guy wants to genuinely believe that you are so turned on by giving him a blow job that you have been literally dreaming about it all day. This means you need to grab his piece of meat like you haven’t eaten in over a week, and go to town like your very survival depends on it.
And while we’re on the topic of blow jobs – I would be remiss to not discuss swallowing vs. not swallowing. Unfortunately the sad truth is that you can give a stellar performance, but a non-swallower is always going to lose out to a swallower when it comes to being best-in-show. But luckily, for those semen-phobic ladies with horrendous gag reflexes, there are some other options out that you can do that will earn you extra brownie points and make him forget that you’re not into partaking in his special protein shake. Once again, sometimes you just need to fake it a little bit. The least satisfying outcome for a guy is for him to have to finish all over himself. So if you’re not keen on swallowing (and spitting shouldn’t even be an option), you can sexy it up by telling him that you want him to finish on you instead of on him. And remember, act like the idea of it really turns you on. You can also attempt the pseudo-swallow in which you let the guy finish in your mouth but instead of swallowing you let it dribble out of your mouth and down your chest. I don’t know why guys dig this, but apparently it’s a huge turn on.
And men, this whole idea of demonstrating enthusiasm applies you as well! When you venture down south, you better act like you love it. Don’t you dare spend 30 seconds down there and then come up for air and assume we are good to go. Forget your ABC’s (whoever told you to do that is an idiot) and just be an animal. And don’t assume that just because you gave your ex multiple orgasms, that the same technique will work on all of us. Pay attention to the sounds we make and to the movement of our body in order to find out whether we are into clitoral stimulation or if we prefer you to just get all up in there. Explore until you find our sweet spot – you’ll know, trust me. And if you’re looking for a move that will really impress, take a break during sex to stop and go back down there for seconds because you are suddenly craving the way she tastes. You will definitely be remembered for that move.