Growing up, we’re all told about the guys to avoid, like the super jealous or aggressive types. I remember the only dating advice I got from my dad was, “Chloe, if he hits you once, he’ll do it again.” Solid tip for a nine-year-old, thanks Pops. But it stuck with me, which is probably why even when a guy puts his arm up to flag the bartender, I immediately duck and reach for my Mace.
But we’re never warned about the other guys to avoid in dating. The guys that, while aren’t dangerous to our physical being, are nonetheless just as detrimental to our self-esteem and faith in everlasting love. Kinda like Kim Kardashian.
Guys to Avoid That Our Elders Didn’t Warn Us About
Yoga Guy: I know, I like yoga, too. But I don’t want to talk about it for more than, say, 5 minutes, and I certainly don’t want to go on a yoga date. And sometimes a sister just wants a little Flash Taco, and hell no the ingredients aren’t organic. This dude even took his dog to yoga. And I was out.
Euphemism Guy: I got tricked into a date with this guy when I was younger and still didn’t know the difference
between Belvedere and well vodka. He told me he owned a bar and was getting his book published, combining my loves of alcohol and writing. Turned out he managed a bar (in the suburbs) and was writing a book (his memoirs), which is probably why I ended up picking up the tab for the entire date.
Live-With-My-Parents Guy: It’s no secret this economy isn’t doing anyone any favors. So living with the p’s happens. But, as a dude, that does not mean you’re allowed to go on dates. Double standard? Absolutely. I’ve gone out with one too many guys who drop this bomb mid-date, when I’m already having a sub-par time. I never offer to split the tab. He’s not paying rent; he can afford it.
Cheap Shots Guy: “Ooh, look! Shots for $1.50! Let’s go there!” I imagine it was quite similar to a date with Amanda Bynes.
Wine Sniffer Guy: Every sip went like this: 1. Big ole sniff with nose in the glass. 2. Take a sip. 3. Swish. 4. Down the gullet. The entire process takes a good 15-18 seconds (yes, I timed it), which gets slightly cumbersome to maintain conversation. Not that I wanted to after he sang lyrics from FallOutBoy to me.
Hopefully you can be on the look out for the above offenders and add them on to the list of guys to avoid. Unless you’re looking for a great story. In that case, just don’t forget the Mace.