When your relationship goes blah, you can take steps to improve it!
If you sometimes feel you and your spouse are living in different countries, your conversation might sound like this:
Joan: So when I went to the store they were completely out of that cheese you like.
I asked the manager, but he couldn’t find it.
Roy: I’m supposed to meet Bob at the game.
Joan: Did you hear what I just said, I went to the store and—
Roy: I hope we can get there in time.
Joan: Bye. I’m leaving. I’ve had enough!
Roy: What? Huh?
This couple cannot hear each other. Roy is speaking Roy-ish. Joan is speaking Joan-ish.
As long as they remain in their own countries, they will continue to be disconnected mentally, emotionally and possibly, physically.
When your relationship goes “Blah” it means you have stopped connecting to each other’s desires and feelings. We each have our own interests and we are passionate about them. However, to continue a warm, loving relationship we need to stop and notice where our partner is living. To reconnect, we must walk over the bridge to their country.
When you stop connecting in conversation, you will find you are paying less attention to each other’s desires in many ways, including what movies you like, what foods you enjoy and sexual desires. When you begin to reconnect in conversation, your relationship will change for the better.
What you can do to stimulate your relationship
> Think of the conversations you have had when you felt you were disconnected from each other. As you hear your partner talk, take in their body language as well as their words. This will allow you to pick up on their emotions.
> Ask questions to learn more and show that you care. If your partner says something you don’t understand, ask more questions.
> There will be times when you are busy and are not available to listen. You might have to say, “Sorry, I can’t focus on that right now, but I’d love to hear what you have to say later.” Then offer a time when it will be convenient for both of you.
Try visiting each other’s country frequently during the week. Congratulate yourself every time you cross that bridge.
The following short video, with professional actors, illustrates how this is done.